And With That We Closed The Door
by FrustrertSommerfugl
Summary: One moment she had everything. The next moment she had nothing. They had nothing. How would you cope the first few hours after everything was so rudely taken away from you? Like I guessed. You wouldn't cope.Oneshot, RoryLogan


**A\N**

As I updated my other story yesterday, I found this document stored in my profile thingy and decided to put it up.

It is a rather personal piece, though it does not reflect directional back to me.

Disclaimer:  Don't own anything but the new schoolbooks I just spent over $400 on buying. Depressing...

**Summary:** One moment she had everything. The next moment she had nothing. They had nothing. How would you cope the first few hours after everything was so rudely taken away from you? Like I guessed. You wouldn't cope.

Oneshot, Rory\Logan

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**And with that the door was closed**

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What I never ever in my wildest imaginations had contemplated happening, had just happened.

And here I found myself; all alone and at loss of words.

Everything was so quiet. So indescribable quiet. So painfully quiet. So quiet it hurt.

I felt mocked by the silence.

----

The room was cold and cool. There were no sign of the sun I knew oh so well was shining outside. It was always shining. At least it seemed so. Especially on a day like today.

If I hadn't known better, I would've thought it was just another normal, fearless day. Another page in my diary. Fresh paper waiting for my pen to do its work.

But it wasn't a normal day. I would never have a normal day again. No, my normal days were over and done with.

Never would I ever be able to wake up early in the morning with a smile on my face, just because it was a new day. Never could I go to bed at night, surrender to the sandman full knowing that a new and lovely day was waiting for me when I woke.

My happy days were over.

---

The cold wind was blowing violently in the trees outside. Like it knew what just happened. Like it knew. And in a way, it did. The wind always knew. It always did.

I didn't notice him entering the room. I didn't notice when he put his hand on my shoulder as a comforting gesture. I didn't notice.

The words he spoke were empty, emotionless and silent.

The apology was empty. His eyes distant. The eyes that once had been so full of life. So full of emotions. So full of happiness. They were dead.

Dull.

How ironic, you may say.

---

You wouldn't need to send more than one brief glance his way, and you would know that he was uncomfortable. But then again, who wouldn't be? Could you really blame him?

No, you couldn't. You really couln't. Of course you couldn't.

I could see in my peripheral view that he was smiling a small smile. A comforting smile. At least it was an attempt of one.

By taking a closer look, I realised that I had been wrong. It wasn't a comforting smile. Oh no. It was the smile of a man with a broken heart. Only a man broken to this extent could smile this smile. A smile that wasn't even really a smile.

And suddenly the guilt washed over me, all over again.

I questioned why I wasn't used to it by now. After all, it was a feeling whose frequency had developed to the ridiculous.

I didn't mean for this to happen. Of course I didn't. No one in their right mind would mean for something like this to happen.

But it had happened.

And it was my fault.

It was my fault that this man, once so in love with life, with me, now stood before me with nothing but empty remains of what earlier could be recognised as a heart. And it was not because of being arrogant, cold or rude he was heartless. No, it was simply because he didn't have anyone to share his heart with.

Not after the other day.

Not after what I did.

---

All I wanted to do was to close my eyes and fall into a numbing kind of sleep. A sleep that lasted for a lifetime. The same sleep as my precious darling was experiencing just this moment.

I knew it wasn't possible. An Ivy League education would teach you that. Of course it would.

Even though he was so indescribable empty and sad, he still found the courage, not to mention a way to speak the words he spoke. His voice carried such a soothing sound. Just like music. Like a composition. A very sad composition, mind you. Like Bach's tones from 'Air' or Mozart's very own Requiem.

"It wasn't your fault" Oh yes, most definitely the Requiem.

"It wasn't you fault, believe my words, it wasn't your fault" He repeated himself again.

Funny how everything seemed to repeat itself lately.

"It just happened. It was no ones fault. Especially not yours. Please believe me, Rory. It wasn't your fault"

It wasn't your fault, Rory.

It wasn't my fault.

The words kept whistling in my ears like a kettle on a stove. Like an early alarm trying to wake me from my restful and peaceful sleep.

Like a siren announcing an emergency on the road.

Like the heart monitor announcing a life no longer being a life.

No longer being a life.

I had failed. I had lost. I had disappointed. I had… simply flat out failed.

---

Since the time being, women were assigned one task and one task only. Sure, it was neither an easy nor a simple task. Painful yes, but unbearable, no. Tiring but rewarding. Exhausting yet refreshing.

But when it all calmed down, it was still just one task. One task, and I failed.

Failed.

And as a result, I was stood here. Stood here all by myself feeling lonely. Yes, I knew that in reality, I wasn't alone. No, the man who conquered my heart was standing behind me. If he was willing to give it back, I wasn't sure. But then again, did I really deserve it back?

I knew the answer, but it was hard to accept. Too hard to accept. Couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't accept.

I really messed everything this time.

Now that we finally had the chance. Finally had the chance of rebuilding what we once had. What we had before…Well, let's just say that weddings aren't just happy. There's always a backside. Everything has a backside.

A backside that is kept in the shadow for that exact reason. Because it's a backside.

But even backsides must come out in the light. And when that happens, it's not a pretty sight. Oh no, not at all. Believe me, I know all about it. Sadly, I do.

But even though I was so thoroughly humiliated, I still went back to him.

Thinking he deserved a new chance. We deserved a new chance. Us. Me and him.

Us.

There were no us anymore. It just couldn't be. Not after everything…

---

I felt the tears making their presence known. They seemed to do that a lot, lately. It actually amazed me, in a bizarre way, how no matter how much you cried, the tears never ended. God knows I'd done a praiseworthy attempt to cry myself dry.

But the salty drops of sadness always came.

Running rivers down my cheeks.

But it this moment, they stayed put. As if they didn't want to leave my eye. As if they wanted to be trapped.

---

A very wise person once told me "you've been hurt, so just cry it all out"

Yes, my mum definitely was a wise person.

My mum.

Mum.

Mum.

The word played on my lips. Not daring to speak the word out loud in this tiny claustrophobic room. I was supposed to be one. A Mum, I mean.

Ah, irony's a bitch.

The apple of my eye had been taken away from me.

Life wasn't fair. It never had been and never would be. I knew that.

If there had been any justice in the world, I wouldn't have viewed this world as such a dark, cold, lonely and unfriendly place. I wouldn't have felt so lonely this minute.

No, if there had been any justice in this world, I would have been occupied at this very moment. Ironing tiny shirts and folding microscopic socks. Rocking a cradle and humming lullabies. Watching with love as they interfered as father and child. And I, I would be the proudest person in the universe. There would be tears present, sure. But they wouldn't be as sad as the ones currently going through my system. They wouldn't be sad at all.

Not even the slightest bit.

But there were no justice in this world. None at all.

---

They said I should cry some more. Apparently it was the best therapy.

Get it all out, away, over.

But I couldn't.

I wasn't brave enough to turn around. I knew it was expected of me, and I knew it was the least I could do.

First I mess it all up, and then I'm too much of a bloody coward to turn around and look at the result.

It was too soon. I couldn't handle it. I just wasn't brave enough.

After standing motionless for what felt like hours, I felt his arms wrap around my now tiny waist.

And the tears started running free fall again.

He comforted me as best he could as the tears continued to fall.

I could feel something damp in my neck. If it was my own sweat or his tears, I wasn't sure.

He comforted me. How ironic.

He comforted me and said that everything would be ok, that I didn't do anything wrong. It had just happened. It wasn't my fault. It could have happened to anyone and everyone.

Anyone and everyone, I didn't care. It happened to me, to us. And I was broken.

Broken beyond repair.

---

I closed my eyes and saw a pair of sparkling brown eyes staring up at me from the blanket. A pair of eyes so full of stories to tell, so full of life. Just like its father's eyes had used to be before… Before.

I saw the same eyes I more than once caught myself getting lost in. The same eyes in which I always searched for questions.

The same eyes I used to see light up whenever I entered the room. Lighting up in a way only his eyes could.

But it was all gone.

The only thing left was the memories.

I kept standing there with his arms around me. Just couldn't let go.

Just couldn't let go.

---

The sky had turned a dark shade of black. The wind was blowing softly over the starry night.

Stars were twinkling in the sky.

We had to go.

Had to get out in the cold night. No one cared if we wanted to or not. It had to be done.

We walked towards the door.

As I reached the doorway, I turned and whispered a whisper barely audible.

But no one needed to hear what I had to say.

"Good-bye my dear princess, good bye"

The words were left in the air as we closed the door.

We closed the door.

---

**A\N 2**

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